"I have just a few things to say…
I know I haven’t checked in in a good
minute but I’ve been kind’ve dealing with certain situations and
haven’t really felt like talking or blogging about it. I know this
blog’s foundation was built around celebrity gossip with just a tad of
Necole thrown in every now and then but I’m sure you all would much
rather hear about celebrities every day then my lil issues…lol.
Anywho, so last week I flew out to
Chicago to take part in the Female Success Factor seminar sponsored by
Rolling Out Magazine and Cover Girl Queen Collection. The seminar was
targeted towards african american women who were interested in
entrepreneurship and the panelist included myself, Chilli (TLC) and
Caryn Ward (CW’s The Game).
Well I was under the impression that
we would be introducing ourselves briefly and then taking questions and
having a panel discussion. Some of the organizers of the event kept
asking me throughout the day “Do you have your speech ready” and I kept
brushing it off. So imagine the horror at the event when I realized that
I would have to go up in front of all those people and say a 10 minute
speech that I hadn’t even prepared. My first reaction was “I don’t know
these people!” but then I realized that I talk to tens of thousands of
people through my site every day. It was the same scenario but only this
time I was looking my audience in the face and not hiding behind a
computer screen. I looked out in the audience and I see all of these
young african american women, that probably were going through testing
times and just needed assurance that “it will be okay” and “you will
make it”. I remember thinking to myself “If I just touch and inspire one
person” than my job here is done.
Unfortunately, not being able to hide
behind my computer made me very vulnerable and as I told my story I
sort’ve blanked out and had an out of body experience. Somewhere in
there I cried. I cried in front of all those people. Necole Bitchie, the
girl with this hard exterior and there I was, crying as I told my
story. It was just something I had been needing to do for a long time.
When I started the Necole Bitchie
website, no one really believed in it. People would say things like
“another entertainment site”, “How is yours gonna stand out from all the
other sites that are out there”, “what makes you so different?”. It’s
alright that people doubted me, because that’s just a natural thing that
you will run into in life. And just because people doubt you don’t
really mean they don’t believe in you. Alot of times they say things to
discourage you from achieving your goals and dreams because they’ve
given up on theirs and although the things they say may hurt you, alot
of times those things stem from envy. And then there are those people
that will discourage you, not because of envy, but because they care
about you enough that they don’t want to see you fail.
You see, It was just six months ago I
was back at home (in the town I grew up in). I had no money (the IRS
came and took all of it). I had no career. I had just walked away from
my career in Detroit radio
to explore opportunities in New York and unfortunately that didn’t work
out exactly as I had planned. I had lost both of my parents by the time
I was 23. (So much for making them proud, huh) So I’m sitting in this
room at my aunts house thinking to myself “I’ve failed. I’ve truly
failed miserably at life. What are people gonna say about me?” and I
remember crying for three days straight. I was embarrassed, so much that
I didn’t even let my friends know what was going on. They were under
the impression I was just visiting my family for the holidays and that I
was going back to New York to work at some big job where I was getting
PAID. In their eyes I was doin’ it!
So I remember to pass the time away, I
started blogging. Anything I could find on celebrities I would write
about it and I would add in my little personal blogs (like this one)
every now and then. And when people started coming under the blogs and
commenting, I was like “oh sh*t!!! i like this. I got friends!!! People
really care what I have to say” It’s like, it gave me that little extra
push to continue to write and update the blog everyday.
But of course, there is always
something or someone that will rain on your parade. My family was
consistently taunting me for “always being on the internet”. My aunt,
she thought i was a low life that wasn’t doing sh*t with my life so she
eventually told me I had a month to find somewhere else to live. So I
packed my ish up that day, and there I was going down 95 south on my way
to Atlanta. I stopped at friends houses on the way, sleeping on their
couches and all the while, I continued to blog and never once did I
share what was going on with the readers of Necole Bitchie.com. Looking
back, my ass was homeless but there I am still updating because I felt
like I had to continue to provide my readers with updated quality
content, no matter what my situation was. I learned while interning,
whether it be a radio station, record label, accounting firm etc, they
don’t care what your situation is at home. They don’t care that you have
no money, that you may have walked five miles to get there every day,
or that you may have a sick parent at home to take care of. All they
care about is your performance while you are there at work, and one slip
up and someone else will snag that job that could have been yours.
I’m saying that to say, despite what I
was going through in my life I still stayed dedicated to my site
because at the end of the day, it was all I had. I had lost everything
and I wasn’t about to sit up there and let the one thing that I built
and created be snatched away from me.
It’s six months later and I’m not
sleeping on any couches anymore. (I’m sleeping on the floor actually).
*laughs*. I finally settled into Atlanta and moved into my own place, A
place I can call home. My site. Wow ya’ll have really been very
supportive is all I can say. Let’s just say I’m amazed when I look at
the stats and see all the people that loyally log on every single day. I
look at these lists that come out and people have ranked me the #1
fastest growing urban blog on the net as well as have me placed in all
sort’s of top 20 urban blog lists with the big dawgs (yea i’m talking
the concrete loops, the nahrights and the ybfs). That’s truly amazing to
me! I’m not out here trying to be the Number 1 blogger nor did I set
out to do so. All I wanted was to have a voice, to continue to be “real”
with my readers and to ultimately do something I loved while getting
paid for it. I thank Sean and Kieth at Power 92 for allowing me to do
entertainment reports on their show as well as Pezo in the Crib at Hot
1079. Kenny Burns who put me on the radio at V103. Rolling Out Magazine
for the feature and letting me be on this tour. I was sitting next to
Chilli thinking back to when I used to listen to my “Ain’t 2 Proud 2
Beg” tape and now I’m sitting beside her on a panel. Mama I made it!
*laughs and cries too* That’s the one thing that hurts the most is
knowing the person that would have had your back and supported you the
most, won’t be around to share that success with you.
And as for the family member that
told me to basically “get gone”, they sent me an email recently that
said the following:
"What you have gotten all high and mighty you can’t
write nor call anymore what’s up with that. Just a little
wisdom. The same people you met going up the ladder
will be the same ones you’ll met going down."
To say I was hurt when she told me I
had to leave her house was an understatement. Especially when I had
considered her place the only home I had to go to and she snatched that
away from me. I’m not mad though, because it was truly a blessing. It
only gave me one option, and that was to make it.
I haven’t responded yet but the gist
of how I feel is this. A successful actor is only as good as his
supporting cast. In life it’s up to you to choose your supporting cast
wisely. So, unfortunately not everyone you expected to be there can take
that ride with you. It’s not meant for everyone to join you for the
ride and some people you have to just let off at the next stop.
So to my readers, especially those
who were here from the start, Thank you for taking that ride with me…
And I just have to say one more
thing. Six months ago a person told me “I understand that blogging is
your passion but I don’t consider it a real job”. Well guess what, it’s
not only my “real job” but it’s my career and it’s opened up far more
opportunities than most of the positions I’ve been turned down for would
have.
So in a nutshell…
I’m still here, and I ain’t going
nowhere…
Don’t ever let anyone steal your
shine. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you aren’t worth it, or you
won’t make it. If you truly believe in yourself, it doesn’t matter what
people think because ultimately no one can stop you, and you will WIN!
i know i have.."
~Necole
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